ooooo hello stranger where have you been?
for the past 14 days i have been- going slightly insane :-)
I have been suffering from a nicotine habit for the last 17 years, and two weeks ago today, I finally undeniably realized that i am an actual grown up adult, and decided to kick the weed and 'man up'. A addiction can be broken, and in all ways, life would be better if I stopped smoking. So i have- and, believe me, it is. Just, I have been negligent to this radio project whist undergoing cold turkey (i did record my last fag, and have been scripting some of the phychosis as a study for broadcast... ). Too much weeping, too much black blues, too much tiredness, weakness, depression, fear, anxiety, i see why so many people don't suceed in giving up- it ain't a nice experience. So where does that put us now?
sslloowwssuunnddaayy-
1 Cathryn Morgan Richards cow bells
2 Jakoh, Barry dillon, Augustine Leuder- three artists, great work
3'summer' fail ( lovely Oblivian Substanshall repeats, and blank airspace !!!)
and this sunday------ work secured for broadcast so far 4 minutes :-) (Yo Fizz:-)
I feel like I have come through a long tunnel of darkness, and re-emerged finally, but into a place where momentum has been... lost. how to get back on track? How to reassure artists that this programe is not a waste of space, and it is a valued point of exhibition? I am sorry for this confusion, lack of professionalality- but make no apologies= there is never a good time to pack in smoking and it had to be done RIGHT THEN, and lunching out life for 2 weeks is not a bad price to pay for health, wealth and a happier kid. (thanking those whose love and understanding kept me going- you know who you are AND YOU TOTALLY ROCK X X X)
Maybe those that have listened in may have been disapointed by the lack of coherence between what was being requested/offered/advertised and how the space was being used :-( the issue being, contributors may be disinclined to participate in this show if it is not fuctioning.... ie-, in live performace terms,' come see and maybe contribute to this amazing performance', and you get to the venue, and the theatre is closed. Repeatedly. Not good! One could argue thats a little bit fluxus, but essentially, its a big bit lame. Radio space is precious- not to be wasted!
but then is then and this is now- resolution. what of this sunday?
start here+ it begins fabrications spilling outward consetric ripples blips and bleeps words and scars and hearts and dinners
these things break against what makes me tic taking to new and old and experience and plain old dreAMS
s,moking- i have just survived the most risky transition of my life (another- don't they all feel like that?)
i put all else on hold an , wiping tears and snot away with my sleeve, made a move towards a better future. I stopped smoking.
WHAT THE FUSK THAT DOESN'T COUNT AS MAjESTIC
yes it fucking does THESE THINGS ARE IN NO WAY OF INTEREST TO OTHERS- instead of making a work form my hospital bed, as i die of cancer,
titled, "My daughter cries and lights a candle for the mother who followed the path of least resistance into the mouth of the beast"my last ever audio work of heart beats, coughs, weeping, regret and amazment gasped - i bite the bullet and casting my self into a steel
sided reponsibility
life doesn't last forever and small victories might be the only ones left....
so stop! and she did
and what happened? i free-fell i cried like a baby -still doing that, regularly, turned through full 360 giroscpoing baby girl
embodied, lost
woman. i recorded MY LAST EVER CIGGERETTE i smoked it , and have moved into a new phase. Why did it take such a amount of energy
to take thopse steps? away from my self?
opportunity arose and co-incided with this non smoking situation- my whole life ground to a car crash halt through the two weeks i
grappled with self control- the radio show, dear and holy wild thing, fell to the road side, fixed vision lazer like consentration, on a goal
just to stay on the straight and narrow, commited to maintaining that alone- bouying myslef up, when everrything felt like sinking
but, i seem to have survived.....
i need to appologise for a mis application of time enerrgy attention what- its just so annoying, this project
lostlooses momentum becase i take my eye from the ball and essentually, am reliant on... others! ha! this could be so beautiful
sound events unlike stationary texts or fixed media (replayable) have a emphemaeral nature that causes mistakes to have greaterweight- if a paper publication for cafe tables is lame, a avid reader, will still pick up and flick through, chancing 30 seconds on the
possiblility that the editor might have changed or the writers been upgraded- but the show has been the equivilant of a blank book, or repeats where something original was promised, becuase i was busy weeping and trying not to feak ut.
i'm sorry! i am sorry! i am so bloody sorry- this platfrom is open its open it is so open- ues it- use it make it hsppen its open i could go and do a live 24 four hour broadcast of appologies and invitations for work :-)
but instead, i humbly trust and hold tight to the wish to participate in 'the great sound'.
coming soon- ? :-)
A contextual enquiry for BA Writing at Dartington College of Arts: testing my own receptivity within the definition of a context: Community Radio. what do i mean by community? Living, sounding (broadcasting from) rural Devon, across the Southams, over the globe via the world wide web, on into outerspace. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
hi!
My practice as a writer has been developing towards audio work, and I have been more and more interested in the medium of radio as a platform for showing my own work, and also in radio’s possible uses as a tool of social empowerment. I am wishing to understand how radio is being used by artists and activists to create spaces that function as community centres, and how radio can be used to facilitate well being for individuals and in localities.
I will need to define what I understand by ‘community’, and also clarify which model of radio I will be studying.
I will be avoiding an ethnographic definition of community, as that is a life times’ work in itself- instead I will work around the ideas and writings of radio and audio artists (Gregory Whitehead, Allen Weiss, Charles Bernstein) and also other writers, artists and activists that offer definitions of community movements that I see Soundart radio as aligning itself alongside (Joan Retallack’s ‘dialogic community’, bell hooks’ ‘communities of resistance’, Felix Guattari’s ‘free radio’ etc.).
Radio for this CEP is a small local public broadcasting venture called Soundart Radio 102.5 FM, which broadcasts under a community license- it is not run for political or commercial gain, it is run by and on behalf of its listening community, and represents both the community of its geographical area, and also radio as a living and historic ‘hot’ media with a international community of listeners, producers, makers and enthusiasts. I will be seeking to understand how Soundart radio fulfils the role of community /ies, and how it serves the desires of said community /ies, and will be reflecting upon and monitoring my own interaction with these ideas as a individual participating, listening and producing, and process this into both audio and writing documentations.
Broadcasting can be considered as a mirror to the way we live, and I am interested in programming and stations that offer alternative and considered options within their scheduling.
Radio art requires a consistent body of research and practice that concentrates on sound at its point of signification, not a literal reading that will collapse into cliché, but a sensitivity to the ways in which meaning in sound circulates, dissipates and re-emerges. The development of an autonomous body of theory and practice regarding aural referentuality- in particular as it relates to radio and electronic media- will contribute to a better understanding of the role that radio art plays in the articulation of social and cultural ideas. (Lander,D. 1994, Radiocastings: musings on radio and art in Radio Rethink
The two community models I will be focusing on are individuals sharing a geographically related relationship within the area of FM reception, and also communities physically distant but still communing /communicating, thorough both FM and Internet radio. I will be looking the social benefits of participation in the arts:
Personal: growth in confidence, creative and transferable skills, social lives are improved through friendships, enjoyment and involvement in the community. In a wider social context: confidence of minority and marginalised groups is gained, promoting social cohesion. There is empowerment of a community to be involved in local affairs, a strengthened commitment to place and an ability to tackle problems. Provides the opportunity to take positive risks, contribute to education and personal and social change (Matarasso, F, 1997: ‘Use or Ornament? Social impact of participation in the arts’ p79-81).
I have secured a practical intern-ship at Soundart radio from September through till December 2010. This community radio station's location, programming and programmers, its geographical area, it's international and local outreach projects and its ethos and manifesto are all relevant to my enquiry.
My particular artistic interest lies with
Transmissions that Publicise the Private, or through an opening of dialogic space create new energy and directions within a social order.
Programming that re-instates the authority of chaos and chance, within the context of a functioning community.
Broadcasting that foregrounds and celebrates ambiguity and individuality, supported by structures of acceptance and value.
Work that transforms attention into action and revitalizes languages’ and radio’s uses in the public sphere.
I intend to immerse myself in the life of this small radio station for my time there.
